Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Can you build rapport on the phone?

Dear Friends,

I have a standing invitation to everyone who reads or to ask me to write about what you want to learn more about. Taylor M had the following question:

I have been reading your last few tips on rapport and persuasion, and I was wondering if you could go into how to generate rapport over the telephone. I have spoken on the phone to other sales people trying to sell me stuff. I have felt more at ease talking to some of them than I do with my customers or soon-to-be clients, even people I have known for years. It is fantastic and I'm not sure how exactly how it happens or how they do it....

The answer is… well, a bunch of things.
First of all, I don’t know exactly what the people Taylor has spoken to have been doing, or what Taylor is not doing himself, but I do know that there are a number of things which will help you to get rapport, put people at ease and have more fluid, enjoyable telephone conversations.

The first thing is to know what you want with regard to a particular conversation.

With regard to some upcoming phone conversation, what do you want?

And how will you know when you’ve got it?

Having a clear idea of what direction you want to go in will allow you to get good feedback about whether or not you’re on track. Obviously, the amount of time you spend figuring out what you want with regard to a call will depend on how important the call is to you.

Get in a good state.
I’ve heard my mentor say repeatedly "If you want to get someone into a good state, go there first yourself." If you want other people to feel relaxed & at ease, make sure you feel relaxed & at ease.

Establish rapport
Now, there are many ways to establish rapport. Some of the behavioural ways you can do this on the phone include the following:

Talking at the same rate as the other person
Modulating your voice tone so that it is similar to theirs
Modulating voice pitch so it’s similar to theirs
Using the same sensory words as them
Talking at the rate they’re breathing

Personally, I find it difficult to breathe at the same rate as someone else if they’re talking.
I do, however, like talking at the same rate that someone is breathing.

How do you know what rate they’re breathing at?

Listen to them talk (if they’re talking, they’re breathing out.)
Listen to them breathe
Can you hear someone breathe over the phone?

Sure, if you listen.

Make a mental image of the person
Another trick of the trade is to make a mental image of the person you are speaking to. See the expressions on their face, notice how they respond to what you say. And whatever you do, start by pretending / believing that the call is going to have a positive result for you both.

Be curious about & interested in the other person
Of all the points, this is one of the most powerful. Some of the most powerful messages you can give to someone are "I am interested in you", "I care about your well being" and "You are important to me." And the quickest way to get these ideas across in your communication is to mean it. When you mean it, you come across congruently, and the communication can flow.

Sometimes, people get so caught up in the technology of rapport (matching eye blinks etc) that they don’t remember what it’s about: connecting with another human being.

The behavioral elements of rapport are just a way to allow that connection to emerge more rapidly.

Thanks for spending 3 minutes with me...
The best is yet to be!

On Your Team
Jeffrey Stanton ITI, CLC, CNE, CSSN, WOW
Your Trusted Advisor For Life

One of the fastest ways to build a successful referral based business is by training. Now, with me, I like to invest significant time immersing myself in training, while some people prefer to take it in bite-size chunks. Whatever your preference is, now is the best time to contact me.

If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends, family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. Feel free to print it (with credit and subscription information) and continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments, criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to

No comments:

Legal Stuff

CNE is a registered tradmark of Negotiation Expertise,LLC Your Professional Development and the information contained in/om , www, is the sole property of Jeffrey Stanton. the information contained is opinion only and should not me taken as legal or profesional advice. This website may not be duplicated whole or in part with out written permission.
This Site is not affilated with any othe web site and my contain links to outside web sites and is not responsible for other web sites content.

Certain statements contained on this blog may be deemed to be forward-looking statements within the meaning of the federal securities laws. The words “anticipate,” “believe,” “estimate,” “expect,” “project,” “plan,” “forecast,” “intend,” “goal,” “target,” and similar expressions identify forward-looking statements that are inherently subject to risks and uncertainties, many of which cannot be predicted or quantified. Actual results and the timing of certain events could differ materially from those projected in or contemplated by the forward-looking statements due to a number of factors, including, the effect of economic and market conditions including industry volumes and margins; the level and volatility of interst rates; the Company’s hedging strategies, hedge effectiveness and asset and liability management; the accuracy of subjective estimates used in determining the fair value of financial assets ; the credit risks with respect to our loans and other financial assets; the actions undertaken by both current and potential new competitors; the availability of funds from lenders and from loan sales and securitizations to fund mortgage loan originations and portfolio investmetns; the execution of growth plans and ability to gain market share in a significant market transition; the impact of disruptions triggered by natural disasters; the impact of current, pending or future legislation, regulations or litigation. The statements here are not offeres to extend credit as defined by Regulation Z. Rates, Programs, & Availability of Credit is subject to change

Jeffrey S Stanton
DRE ID # 01865119