Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Asking for referrals is a process not a question...

Dear Friends,

So you don't want to ask for referrals, who does?

I've heard it said...
"it's uncomfortable"
"it's like begging"
"it's pushy"
"it makes me feel cheap"
"it's not natural"

It's not natural. That's something.

Does asking for referrals put you in a place where you become what you don't want to be?

Yes, yes it does.

I said "yes." I know what you are thinking. How can someone who advocates and trains on "asking for referrals" say that it's not natural and makes one feel uncomfortable?

Well, it just does.

We're taught not to ask, it's rude. Or it's just not the right thing to do because it makes other people feel uncomfortable.

You're right again.

Knowing how to ask, and when to ask, takes a skill. A learned and comprehensive skill.

It's a process. Once you learn the whole process, with integrity, the asking becomes natural both for you and the other person.

Look at it this way.

Learn that ASKING is not a question, it's a process.
When you understand and follow the process "asking" becomes natural and part of the conversation.

Just follow these simple rules.

1. Serve before you sell and serve before you ask.

2. Plant seeds. Lay the ground work that you are growing your business by referrals.

3. Ask when the rapport is good. At the right time, the right way.

4. Use the word "introduce" not refer

Don't deviate. This is very, very important. Know the difference between "asking" for a referral and "starting" a referral/introduction conversation.

Just in case you may be unclear as to the difference starting a referral conversation is all about letting people know how you do your business and how much you appreciate and welcome introductions.

For example...
If someone says to you "Mary you are so much better than the last attorney we used. Thank you for everything you have done."

You can respond by "starting" a referral/introduction conversation and say..."You're welcome and thank you for saying that. It's been a real pleasure working with you and I'm glad you're satisfied with our services and hopefully feel comfortable enough to introduce us to your friends and family" OR

"I'm glad you feel that way. I just want you to know that when you introduce someone they will be treated the same way."

That's starting a referral/introduction conversation. It's not asking.

Asking isn't better than starting. They are different and both have their place in the relationship. The tip today is about the process when it comes to asking.

Follow the process all the time and earn the right and welcome the opportunity to ask.

1. Serve before you sell and serve before you ask.
2. Plant referral seeds and lay the ground work as to HOW you work.
3. Ask for referrals when the rapport is good. At the right time and in the right way.
4. Use the word "introduce" not refer

Asking isn't a's a process.

Thanks for spending 3 minutes with me...
The best is yet to be!

On Your Team
Jeffrey Stanton
Your Trusted Advisor For Life

One of the fastest ways to build a successful referral based business is by training. Now, with me, I like to invest significant time immersing myself in training, while some people prefer to take it in bite-size chunks. Whatever your preference is, now is the best time to contact me.

If you have found this tip useful, please share it with any friends, family, colleagues and associates who you think will be interested. Feel free to print it (with credit and subscription information) and continue to enjoy the tips. I am always grateful for any comments, criticisms or other feedback that you may have. Please send them to

No comments:

Legal Stuff

CNE is a registered tradmark of Negotiation Expertise,LLC Your Professional Development and the information contained in/om , www, is the sole property of Jeffrey Stanton. the information contained is opinion only and should not me taken as legal or profesional advice. This website may not be duplicated whole or in part with out written permission.
This Site is not affilated with any othe web site and my contain links to outside web sites and is not responsible for other web sites content.

Certain statements contained on this blog may be deemed to be forward-looking statements within the meaning of the federal securities laws. The words “anticipate,” “believe,” “estimate,” “expect,” “project,” “plan,” “forecast,” “intend,” “goal,” “target,” and similar expressions identify forward-looking statements that are inherently subject to risks and uncertainties, many of which cannot be predicted or quantified. Actual results and the timing of certain events could differ materially from those projected in or contemplated by the forward-looking statements due to a number of factors, including, the effect of economic and market conditions including industry volumes and margins; the level and volatility of interst rates; the Company’s hedging strategies, hedge effectiveness and asset and liability management; the accuracy of subjective estimates used in determining the fair value of financial assets ; the credit risks with respect to our loans and other financial assets; the actions undertaken by both current and potential new competitors; the availability of funds from lenders and from loan sales and securitizations to fund mortgage loan originations and portfolio investmetns; the execution of growth plans and ability to gain market share in a significant market transition; the impact of disruptions triggered by natural disasters; the impact of current, pending or future legislation, regulations or litigation. The statements here are not offeres to extend credit as defined by Regulation Z. Rates, Programs, & Availability of Credit is subject to change

Jeffrey S Stanton
DRE ID # 01865119